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great_insanity's journal
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Angel, for me you shall sing.. Destitute and with barely a trace of hope, For something that I know is out of reach of my rope. I wander along the grey misty lines, The remnants of my faded path un-marked by signs. Guided by a faith I'm not sure I can swallow, It's a track I don't know how to follow. I don't quite know if fate is a series of strangely co-incidental things, Or my destiny playing out as my angel sings. (A song like any other heard before, Her voice will leave you wanting more.) I always question what I already know, Sometimes It feels like I'm in a TV show. The things I deal with everyday, Make it seem as if I'm in a dangerously surreal parade. Never knowing if my next decision will be the fatal mistake of my life, A life so intense sometimes it's like I've been stabbed with a knife. Some days I act like shit don't phase me Just so I don't have to deal with it maybe. (And if you listen hard far off in the distance, Her lyrical melodies will offer you assistance.) I've been told to walk away, I debate on why I should stay. When all that goes on makes me feel so self-conscious and wrong, Its all I can do to stay strong. Only thing keeping me going is the end of the game, When she finally slinks away, her head hung in shame. (My angels tune has changed to a darker melody, I think she knows you got what you deserved.) I don't quite know if fate is a series of strangely co-incidental things, Or my destiny playing out as my angel sings. ~ +Memory ~ Share ~ Got Smething to Say Fragile Dreamer. Some days its feels like the words ain’t flowing, I resent the emotions I’m scared about showing. I hate it when I feel I’ve lost control, Repeating the same words is getting old. I’m sitting in the shadows of your painful past. I hope you see the real me before you put me last. I’m hiding in the pitch black shadows, behind a wall built to protect to you from the inevitable heartache and mistrust you expect. This wall will not just fade into dust. To you I’ve never spoken of this, I am too scared I’ll cause you more grief. Coz I don’t know if you see me in the same intense light, maybe one day you’ll see its right and on to me you’ll hold tight. Every time you are hurting inside or out, I’m hurting to of that there is no doubt. I wonder every time we have a fight, what if you actually walked away tonight. There would be so many words I should’ve said, No way of you knowing what’s inside my head. I’ve re-written this letter more times than I can remember yet the theme has remained the same, each and every single time. As the weeks passed by I kept trying not to let my secret get about. Taking a chance on you is my only way out. I should’ve given you this piece of me so long ago, only I was too scared of what you didn’t know. I was scared of how much of me to really let you see. Eventually our hearts will both be free. Time and time again I’ve wanted to look into your eyes so deep that you couldn’t tell me lies. Especially when I tell you that I’ve fallen for everything that makes you, just you. Each time I leave on my own I wonder if what I’m feeling is really true. Right at this moment my heart wants you. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me too. You know me well enough to know the words that I’ve written are only for you. In your distant gaze I see straight through to your confusion, Is what you feel an illusion. I’ll leave you with the thought of how good we could be together… Think about you and me, and how much more we could be. All you have to do is take my hand and together we’ll make a stand. Be true to your heart and forget you don’t know where to start. Just be honest with yourself and for the sake of a fragile dreamer please be straight with me. There is so much i want to be able to say but i just don't know how to. The words i write will never be read anyway. So i guess that it doesn't really matter. *~* Update *~* I tried to hurry them up. i wanted to leave. I could feel the anger coming on and there wasn't a damn thing i could do about. They just wouldn't listen to me. If they had just hurried the fuck up then they wouldn't have had to deal with it. What am i meant to tell them? yeah i just go off sometimes. whatever. The one fucking time i actually say something for a change. You guys go off at me and i deal with it everyday day of the fucking week. the one time i lose control you go fucking mental at me, well you know what i don't need you's anyway. i've done it by myself until now and i'll keep doing it. forget your shit find smeone else to be your fucking lacky! Look who's back in the land of Lj! Yup thats right the Great Insanity that is me has returned! For now that is all i have to say! Stay Tuned for an Update Love and Peace to all! Ok so its been ages since i've been in here to actually write, and so much has changed and is still changing. some of its good... some of its bad... March 9th 2006 You wanted something i didn't have to give you wanted my love too much too soon I didn't meant to hurt you but i said right from the start i couldn't give you something i really didn't have sure you know i cared about you but what do you want after like a week i can't make you promises i know i damn well can't keep so take a step back and realise im not the evil one you think i didn't break your heart coz its only been a week so little time for you to start having dreams of a future with me so here i go again im gonna run away maybe another time so im sorry baby but its just all too much i told you i wouldn't say i love you but it just wasn't enough! Im sorry addy... you gotta believe i really didn't set out to hurt you... and sometimes we just can't fall in love with someone coz they fall for us... Fate Beyond the Control of Lisa © 04/07/05 Lisa Walker
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